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How to Be Dateable
The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love
By Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu
Table of Contents
About The Book
Does dating feel like an endless maze with no way out? Find your person with this actionable, compassionate guide that will help you break free from the traps of modern dating and change your approach to love.
As creators and hosts of the hit dating podcast Dateable, Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu have made breaking down the nuances of the ever-evolving dating world and empowering the people within it their purpose and passion. Drawing on a decade’s worth of research from speaking to thousands of daters and world-renowned experts, Julie and Yue have learned what it takes to find love in today’s dating world. In How to Be Dateable, they’ll show you how to take control of your love life and focus on the levers that actually get you results.
Starting with a personalized dating archetypes quiz, this book will give you a richer understanding of your core dating strengths and how to turn around the obstacles that are keeping you from meeting the right people. You will discover how to:
-Feel more optimistic about finding love
-Choose partners who are aligned with your values
-Prioritize what’s in your control and release what’s not
-Date your way to find the right relationship for you
Written with the knowledge of experts and the warmth of a wise best friend, How to Be Dateable will give you a dating life that can ultimately help you find the I-can’t-believe-this-was-possible type of relationship you deserve.
As creators and hosts of the hit dating podcast Dateable, Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu have made breaking down the nuances of the ever-evolving dating world and empowering the people within it their purpose and passion. Drawing on a decade’s worth of research from speaking to thousands of daters and world-renowned experts, Julie and Yue have learned what it takes to find love in today’s dating world. In How to Be Dateable, they’ll show you how to take control of your love life and focus on the levers that actually get you results.
Starting with a personalized dating archetypes quiz, this book will give you a richer understanding of your core dating strengths and how to turn around the obstacles that are keeping you from meeting the right people. You will discover how to:
-Feel more optimistic about finding love
-Choose partners who are aligned with your values
-Prioritize what’s in your control and release what’s not
-Date your way to find the right relationship for you
Written with the knowledge of experts and the warmth of a wise best friend, How to Be Dateable will give you a dating life that can ultimately help you find the I-can’t-believe-this-was-possible type of relationship you deserve.
Reading Group Guide
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HOW TO BE DATEABLE: Book Club Hosting Guide with Julie and Yue
So you and your friends all read How to be Dateable. Now what? Whether you’re here to learn, laugh, reflect, or just have fun with friends, this guide will help you host an engaging and memorable get-together. Below, you’ll find discussion prompts, activities, and party ideas that will bring the book's themes to life and get everyone chatting, sharing, laughing, and becoming DATEABLE!
WHAT’S ON THE MENU:
Drinks: The“Cool Girl” Martini: Make it lightly sweet with sweet vermouth
Validation Trap Spritz: Aperol spritz with a splash of grapefruit juice
Anti-ghosting Mocktail: Cucumber-mint-infused sparkling lemonade
Dating Detox Elixir: Iced herbal tea with a hint of honey and lemon
Snacks: “Maverick” Mac n’ Cheese: Individual mac n’ cheese cups
“Achiever” Avocado Toast: Make these bite sized toast points!
“Thinker” Tater Tots: A no-brainer for the thinker
“Energizer” Edamame: Because dating requires some healthy self-love
“Dreamer” Donuts: The more colorful and fun the better!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What dating trap—Validation Trap, Relationship Chicken, Expectation of Love on Demand, or Settling Paradox—resonated with you the most? How can you avoid falling into these traps?
2. What is your dating archetype? Are you a Maverick, Achiever, Thinker, Energizer, or Dreamer? What was surprising (or not!) about yourarchetype(s)?
3. Have you ever been on any of the 3 worst dates mentioned in the book (the Daterview, Solo Act, or Therapy Session)? Share your most entertaining or cringy dating story!
4. How would you integrate the idea of planning dating around your life, not your life around dating into your day-to-day?
5. Have you experienced a moment on a date where being vulnerable made the connection stronger? What happened?
6. What’s your ‘Dating North Star’? How does it guide your choices in relationships?
7. What’s a limiting belief you have about dating? How can you flip it into a limitless belief?
8. Rejection is tough, but what’s a rejection you laugh about now? Share your funniest rejection story!
9. How can you approach dating as a path to personal growth? Have you learned something about yourself through dating?
ACTIVITIES:
Role-playing: What You’ll Do: Pair up to practice tricky dating situations like setting boundaries, having a DTR (Define The Relationship) talk, or addressing a red flag with kindness. Why This Matters: It’s like a rehearsal for your dating life—build confidence in a playful, low-pressure way!
Vision-board Creation: What You’ll Do: Digitally or using magazines, create boards representing your dream relationship, qualities in a partner, or goals for your dating life. Why This Matters: This helps clarify what you really want—and it’s a creative way to share your vision with others!
Mock dates: What You’ll Do: Set up mini “speed dates” between participants to practice skills like active listening and vulnerability. Why This Matters: It’s fun, low-stakes practice—and you may notice skills you can bring into your next real-life date!
PARTY FAVOR: Self Love Jar
Either provide or ask everyone to bring a small jar to the party. At the end of the night, have everyone write positive affirmations or things they love about themselves on slips of paper, and drop them into the jar. BONUS: Have everyone write at least one thing they love about each individual at the party to add to their jar!
So you and your friends all read How to be Dateable. Now what? Whether you’re here to learn, laugh, reflect, or just have fun with friends, this guide will help you host an engaging and memorable get-together. Below, you’ll find discussion prompts, activities, and party ideas that will bring the book's themes to life and get everyone chatting, sharing, laughing, and becoming DATEABLE!
WHAT’S ON THE MENU:
Drinks: The“Cool Girl” Martini: Make it lightly sweet with sweet vermouth
Validation Trap Spritz: Aperol spritz with a splash of grapefruit juice
Anti-ghosting Mocktail: Cucumber-mint-infused sparkling lemonade
Dating Detox Elixir: Iced herbal tea with a hint of honey and lemon
Snacks: “Maverick” Mac n’ Cheese: Individual mac n’ cheese cups
“Achiever” Avocado Toast: Make these bite sized toast points!
“Thinker” Tater Tots: A no-brainer for the thinker
“Energizer” Edamame: Because dating requires some healthy self-love
“Dreamer” Donuts: The more colorful and fun the better!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What dating trap—Validation Trap, Relationship Chicken, Expectation of Love on Demand, or Settling Paradox—resonated with you the most? How can you avoid falling into these traps?
2. What is your dating archetype? Are you a Maverick, Achiever, Thinker, Energizer, or Dreamer? What was surprising (or not!) about yourarchetype(s)?
3. Have you ever been on any of the 3 worst dates mentioned in the book (the Daterview, Solo Act, or Therapy Session)? Share your most entertaining or cringy dating story!
4. How would you integrate the idea of planning dating around your life, not your life around dating into your day-to-day?
5. Have you experienced a moment on a date where being vulnerable made the connection stronger? What happened?
6. What’s your ‘Dating North Star’? How does it guide your choices in relationships?
7. What’s a limiting belief you have about dating? How can you flip it into a limitless belief?
8. Rejection is tough, but what’s a rejection you laugh about now? Share your funniest rejection story!
9. How can you approach dating as a path to personal growth? Have you learned something about yourself through dating?
ACTIVITIES:
Role-playing: What You’ll Do: Pair up to practice tricky dating situations like setting boundaries, having a DTR (Define The Relationship) talk, or addressing a red flag with kindness. Why This Matters: It’s like a rehearsal for your dating life—build confidence in a playful, low-pressure way!
Vision-board Creation: What You’ll Do: Digitally or using magazines, create boards representing your dream relationship, qualities in a partner, or goals for your dating life. Why This Matters: This helps clarify what you really want—and it’s a creative way to share your vision with others!
Mock dates: What You’ll Do: Set up mini “speed dates” between participants to practice skills like active listening and vulnerability. Why This Matters: It’s fun, low-stakes practice—and you may notice skills you can bring into your next real-life date!
PARTY FAVOR: Self Love Jar
Either provide or ask everyone to bring a small jar to the party. At the end of the night, have everyone write positive affirmations or things they love about themselves on slips of paper, and drop them into the jar. BONUS: Have everyone write at least one thing they love about each individual at the party to add to their jar!
About The Authors
Joseph Gabriel Ilustrisimo
Julie Krafchick is an expert on dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world with a background in human-centered design. She’s the co-creator and host of Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by The New York Times, HuffPost, Oprah Daily, and more. She’s also the executive producer and co-host of the dating experiment show Exit Interview. From working in the Silicon Valley tech scene for almost two decades, Julie has learned how technology impacts human interactions as a trained qualitative researcher and app designer. Frustrated by dating at the time, she created the app 500 Brunches to facilitate more organic, in-person meetings for friends and dates, which grew into a thriving community (and was also how Julie and Yue met and developed Dateable). Julie resides in San Francisco and is originally from Boston.
Joseph Gabriel Ilustrisimo
Yue Xu is a dating and relationship thought leader, and an on-air personality focused on wellness, tech, and human connection. She’s the co-creator and host of Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by The New York Times, HuffPost, Oprah Daily, and more. She’s also the executive producer and co-host of the dating experiment show Exit Interview. Yue started her career as a dating coach and vlogger in New York City, working with clients all over the world. Her vlog Singlefied, was featured on AskMen, Match, New York Post, Coffee Meets Bagel, The Times (London), the BBC, and more. She is a TV host and producer for shows TechtheLead, The Gadget Show UK, and The Gadget Show China, and has appeared on MTV, AMC, Discovery, and NBC. Yue lives in Los Angeles with her dog Mojo.
Product Details
- Publisher: S&S/Simon Element (January 28, 2025)
- Length: 336 pages
- ISBN13: 9781668030431
Raves and Reviews
“Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu are the real deal when it comes to dating experts. Their big-sister style advice is just what we need in an age where dating has never sucked harder. They cut right to the core of the dating malaise that has plagued millennials and gen Z since the invention of the dating app. How to be Dateable is warm and thoughtful and the antidote to dating fatigue.” -Greg Behrendt, coauthor of the NYT bestselling He's Just Not That Into You
“How to Be Dateable demonstrates clearly that you already have all the tools that you need to date successfully. This book will simply help you unlock them. A must-read for anyone hoping to find their person.”— Mark Groves: Human Connection Specialist, Author, Speaker, Coach, Podcast Host and Founder of Create The Love
"An empowering read to help you find your person." — Logan Ury, author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love
Given the complexities and challenges of today’s modern dating landscape, confidence in dating skills is a must. With concrete tips and real-world examples, How To Be Dateabledelivers on their promise to “stop falling for the traps” and “start falling in love.” – Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty at Northwestern University, bestselling author of Love Every Day, and host of the podcast, Reimagining Love
"Julie and Yue are fiercely intelligent, warm-hearted chroniclers of the path to love. In How To Be Dateable, you won’t find glib answers or gimmicky advice; instead, you’ll find real wisdom, game-changing insights, and tools that actually work. I’m so grateful that their book is out in the world. I can’t recommend it highly enough." -Ken Page, LCSW, psychotherapist, host of the Deeper Dating Podcast, and author of the best selling book Deeper Dating
Resources and Downloads
High Resolution Images
- Book Cover Image (jpg): How to Be Dateable eBook 9781668030431
- Author Photo (jpg): Julie Krafchick Joseph Gabriel Ilustrisimo(0.1 MB)
Any use of an author photo must include its respective photo credit
- Author Photo (jpg): Yue Xu Joseph Gabriel Ilustrisimo(0.1 MB)
Any use of an author photo must include its respective photo credit
